and this morning that same color blue was stretching all across the sky and there was no pollution and no clouds, no nothing. just pure beautiful blue.

if you've ever been to the mountains you know that there are many kinds of sky-blue. there's that deep, deep blue just after the sun sets and that brilliant bright-but-deep bue that just looks like it goes on forever and then there's super-pale sky-blue like we have most of the time down here, yesterday being the exception. yesterday and this morning i could look at the sky and pretend that i was in the sierras walking down the narrow road to the lodge and it was so real that i could almost smell the pine trees. unfortunately i made the mistake of lowering my eyes and being called back to the reality of steel rails and train whistles and hard wooden benches.

so i am walking the half mile down my street to the bus stop and for some reason "never saw blue like that" is running through my head and since i live in the middle of nowhere and there's nobody around to hear i start singing, as loud as i can, so i'm walking along singing and i look up and the sky is this perfect shade of bright sky-blue with these puffy white clouds in it. it just felt so perfect, walking and singing and staring at the sky. for once i was free from everything...no parents, no sister, nobody around to hear me sing or chastise me for forgetting my dance bag or missing my ride. independent.

this whole day has just been so totally perfect and those things that haven't been perfect have served to make things perfect happen. Like forgetting the pictures for spanish allowed me to have a free period to go sit on the circle with darey which was very happy. and then i forgot my dance bag at school which meant that when i got home it tpook me longer to get ready and i missed my ride, but that just gave me a chance to walk to the bus and beautiful april afternoons are the best time to take the bus. and dance was perfect because dance is always perfct andthen dad, kit and i went out for sushi and then mom came home from sacramento and i actually managed to write a page and a half of a short story that i actually like (and think can write) and wrote a paragraph of my speech *smile* which i like. so yeah. today was so so so perfect. even long period c&c was good. i finished my notebook! and then period 1 was free because nobody told blanchette that yoga is only every other week and period 4 was GAT in which everything came together and i suddenly understood what it was we'd been doing all this week and ho we'd been doing it. and then period 7 was english with goldie, which can never be anything but funny. she was so hyper and giggly all period. very very funny. and then luch was good rainbow-assembly-ness and lots of people came and ms kirk gave a very good speech about her first girlfriend and coming out. and then in advisory my advisory and toni's advisory all sat in a great big circle on the pavement and played a hilarious round of taboo and ate chocolate chip cookies from the cafeteria. period 6 was free because the eighth graders are gone and i forgot to bring the pictures to show señora. so...i had a long free and i wlked out of the building intending to go sit on the circle and then i saw that carey was already sitting out there so i went over and sat with her and we talked and talked and roxanne came over and asked me to help her study for the quiz she was supposed to be taking so i quizzed her on how to say bra in spanish (el sostén). and then she went away so carey and i talked some more. *smile* very very very good afternoon. and then toni showed up with her grammar boook and starts copying out this alternate language that she made up in the margins onto real paper. there are symbols for man, woman, hat, ms. goldberg, etc. and yeah, i already told about the rest of my day and if there's any more to tell i can add it tomorrow.

so that did end up being an all-nighter, and yesterday i fell asleep in math for about half an hour (i think) and then got home at 7:15, stumbled back to my bedroom, and fell asleep until 6 this morning.

goodnight all you invisible people out there. *takes a bow* no really, you can sit down now. *takes another bow* come on, it's 3:04 am. all audience members need to go to bed now...

essay DONE!!!!!!!

happy happy happy me now. because of essay and because i just lit a candle. *smile* FIRE!!

oh joy. it's raining. i still need to finish this stupid essay which i sat down tonight and wrote and it's so so so close to done, currently has 1228 words but of course my brain has to stall on the conclusion. see, like so many other things i have all these great ideas i just can't translate them into words. they're more...concepts that make absolutely no sense if i write them down exactly as i think them. that's what i tend to do on these blogs, just write down what i'm thinking as fast as i possibly can which is why none of these entries make any sense.

so anyway. back to the rain. normally i enjoy rain. i like being driven through rain. i love the sound of rain on my bedroom roof as i'm falling asleep. i love dancing in the rain just for the hell of it. what i don't like is standing in the rain at 6:45 am in an inadequate, non-waterproof jacket waiting alonefor the stupid train to finally pull in and of course it's never on time and my dad has this thing about being early which means that in about four and a half hours i get to go sit in the freezing rain and wish my magic wand actually worked.

things always do seem to get better when i whip out my trusty invisible wand so maybe i should try.

things that still need to be done by various times tomorrow:
1. 2 d+p assignments
2. all my bio homework from this unit
3. eventually i should finish this math thingy...
4. my essay (duh)
5. germinal questions 2 and 3 (nobody tell ms. paick that i really didn't finish them yet. please. i have a two free periods tomorrow to work on whatever i don't get done tonight/this morning)

looks like an all-nighter to me, folks.

megan, will you bring me chocolate covered espresso beans tomorrow so i can stay awake during free-english-free-art-bio-gat? please?? please oh please???? i don't know how the hell else i'll make it through the day. maybe i'll just bring lots and lots of caffeinated tea. or my sunglasses. those worked once simply because señora couldn't tell that i had fallen asleep at the back of the room. ingrid and i always sit at the back and do absolutely nothing remotely spanish-related (shh! don't tell!) and i had my sunglasses on because i couldn't find my regular glasses and i just fell asleep. totally and completely. it was long period on a thursday afternoon *snore*.

if you get bored easily stop reading now because at this point i'm just kind of typing out my twisted train of thought which is something along the lines of why the hell am i wide awake at 2:31 am blogging? and essay writing, but that's beside the point. then again there isn't a point, so what the hell.

sitting on the circle in the rain would be no fun. crap. i was so looking forward to a nice afternoon's sit/sleep on the circle with all you cool people who don't know where my blog is because i don't think a single person has emailed me and asked where the hell it went...i mean, i did remember to publish and "i am moving again" message on rainbow-girl, didn't i? people who asked where it went last time: sarah, tamar, alison, carey. people who asked this time: nobody at all. kinda funny that maybe this actually is private for once. however if you are reading this could you send me an email just so i know someone is. i really don't care who is as long as ms lynn doesn't get ahold of it.

oh. don't know if i mentioned this yet but i'm flunking english due to my supreme slackerness. maybe i should stop being a slacker now and go write. i've gotten very good at recognizing that little "you-have-half-an-hour-left-to-be-awake" eyelid droop and it's starting to happen right now so i should go write essayness about rebellion.

oh and i took two quizes earlier:

Take the The "What Teen Label Do You Fit Into Most?" Quiz!
by antiperfect
wheeeeeeee!


Take the What Will Your Result To This Quiz Be? Quiz
by napoleonherself, if you are so inclined.
okay...i'll take your word on that one.

and now i really am going. really. don't believe me? *poof* no more rainbow girl.

i'm writing you a letter inside my head
should be thinking about what i'm gonna play when i get onstage instead
three piece band before me's all in a tizzy
cussing out the sound man over some technical difficulties
and the funniest thing i se in the room is
disco balls spinning stars onto the wall
a night sky with no moon

can i just say that allette brooks rules?

my sister last night: fuck the hell up!

she swears all the time. just chooses words at random and throws them around even though she doesn't know what half of them mean. that's just wrong.

So I went to ballet today wearing my bandanna with the day of silence sticker on it and peole kept asking me what it was for and i explained that it was this gay rights protest and they all thought that was really cool. who knew the people at my ballet school cared? a lot of them are really nice but most are just so superficial they bug me so much. all they do is not focus and get yelled at for talking about boys during class and spend free time talking about prom dresses and how much prom costs and where it's being held...somebody gag me please. but today was different. two and a half hours of ballet make me happy happy happy.

my poor little sis...i mess w/ her brain so much. *evil laughter* from about 12 days ago:

she: who are you on the phone with?
I: the former queen of sheba's first boyfriend's sister's daughter's girlfriend
she: did you tell [mike] I have a crush on him?
I: yeah
she: what did he say?
I: "that would be called statutory rape"
she: what?
I: that's when a former beauty queen has sex with a frog
she: but what did mike say when you told him?
I: see above
she: but why did he say that?
I: because he's a frog
she: so he's saying that i'm a former beuty queen?
I: bounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybo
unceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceyboun
ceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounce
ybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceyb
ounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybounceybou
ncey
she: ok
I: you are a bitch
she: why?
I: b/c you're an asshole
she: iris!
I: i was possessed by an evil devil

To Toni: *laugh* that's so true, that we all compete for "most badass." i'll write, i just shan't send this until you tell me i can. see, sometimes i just feel like such a stupid little poser and other times i'm totally at ease with everybody. it just seems like i haven't got my own thing, like everything i do is just an imitation of what somebody else has done before. (ignore all of the above, please. pointless drivel that my brain compelled me to type out.) oh and i think i'm over c***** really. SO NO MORE UNDER-YOUR-BREATH TEASING!!!!!

here i am again. my blog has a new home and a new name and a new template and i am never never never going to use any last names on this blog because it shan't be easily findable.

on the bright side...go look at bad bad bad pictures of me and megan. (actually good ones of her and bad ones of me.)